Its in the air tonight...

Tomorrow is the BIG day, I feel it in the air. The four way settlement meeting, Act III. He wants it done, and so it is.  My heart is done too, keeps feeling broken, trodden, flat. Dont be mean any more, dont be that person that hates and despises me, world dont hate me, son dont hate me, wherever I turn it feels flat.  Is it me after all, as he says, as dad said-- "whats wrong with you" and so I ask, whats wrong with me.  Nothing, I struggle for air, i try to swim from under this rushing current...nothing, i pAddle harder and harder..but it feels like i keep getting sucked down.  Tomorrow is the Big day, the big day,  i want it over but I don't want to hurt anymore.  No more hurt, no more pain, no more sadness that feels interminable.  I will make it through.  I know I will.  I know my son loves me.  I know my daughter loves me.  I know my sadness is temporary, for there will be light.  I want joy, and I will feel it again.  I will.