Signed

The first time I can draw a breath...with caution.  The settlement agreement has been signed, hashed out, anger tabled by him, minimally, to "get 'er done".  Its a fair deal, if he follows it (which I am doubting he will).  A million pounds have been released, none the less and now I must work hard to get things pulled together, asap, for the house refinance. My stomach has oddly decided to emptyits contents from the last 18 months..am I sick? I don't know.  I feel relief, to be away from this crazy man, the one everyone says I must always interact with because we have children, but I don't know how true that really is, per se. He is an abuser, in every sense, at least towards me.  No more hiding it.  He hurt me, physically, neck grabbing, soul sucking, intimidating, denigrating behavior.  As he put it at the four way, "DONE."  No more.  And now I must figure out where to go from here.  With my life, my soul search to find my life and identity again.  A trip already started.  It is yet another precipice I stand over, lol, one of many over these past few years.  Fear, trepidation. And a bit of hope, anticipation.  I will expect more from life and from others.  I will try my hardest to not let anyone sell me short, including (especially) me..  Breathe, breathe with center and balance. I try for this, with smatterings of  happiness, peace, and constancy restored for both kids and me.  I will try my hardest, dear God, with love and friends.  Say a prayer for me, and positive thoughts if you can (I breathe these words  to the wind and no one else, because these thoughts are mine. Its mine.).