Dear Mom

Dear Mom,
I am writing this letter to you, even though it has been some time since we last spoke.  I miss you, you see, not ever realizing that I would never see you again, nor hear your voice though I knew it was an inevitable happenstance.  It just never honestly registered, until you were gone.

I miss you Mom, and the gift that you gave me in knowing that even though we did not see eye to eye on many things, and our communication was almost nonexistent, that I never doubted that you loved me.  That you were there for me, as only family can be (even when you weren't there for me, that message was yet still conveyed, somehow).

Now that you and Dad are both gone, I feel really alone.  My family is now my children, and I am the full grown up on this ship.  It is a really tough thing to handle some days, and I wish you were here, if only to "tsk tsk" and provide some sort of input into my life, for these days there is very little.

A lot of things that are happening, are based upon my decisions alone.  Ed is long gone, as I am sure you know. He is no longer my family.

Eileen and I are sisters and I love her a great deal, though I don't know if she really knows this.  She is a floating island, set far and away from me; we contact with each other so rarely these days.

So I am alone now.  With many friends, and supporters it is true.  But that feeling, the groundless I don't know what it is like to have someone anymore feeling can be so overwhelming some days.  And i guess, I can appreciate that my human condition is not unique to me alone.  But it makes it no less lonely, nor makes me no less sad, some days.

So Mom, here is a shout out to you.  Thank you for being my Mom.  And I hope you are living your days and nights, happy in Heaven.  I love you.

June

Lost and Found

I am tired of being "lost" and am now ready to be  "found".
I have done so much work and introspection and I have found my own strength, I know it is a lifelong process which I embrace

My heart has some scars; many I am sure
But this simply reflects a life lived;
Risks once taken, love met

And so much healthy tissue of the soul remains that i am encouraged
To move on

To live on.
To keep my spirit and find a mate
Uncompromised in my needs (and theirs), but now,

Better informed, truly
Older, wiser, loving, joyous
A critical moment in time...