A life, a loss, and the sun still streams in after

I heard about the loss of someone I loved, but had not heard from in many years.  My brother-in-law, or should I say my ex-BIL, since he had divorced my sister in law (soon to be ex) many years ago.  Leukemia took his life, he was in his early 60s?
My memories of him include a lot of laughter, silly behavior. He liked to banter, social butterfly.  As it turns out, his wife (my soon to be ex- SIL) states (I heard through my soon to be not husband) that he had liked to play too much from almost Day one, lending to marital discord.  Yet years after the divorce, he remarried to a younger woman and after much history making stuff, they had a set of sweet twin boys, now 6.  Still, I know it was not all bad those years, as I'm sure she knew.  Twenty plus years of marriage, doesn't lie.

I heard about his long term illness yesterday from my own soon to be ex husband, not having known about it before (or not registering it from years past having been in remission for so long).  And my heart broke.  He was family, and the loss was something I acutely feel, even now.  Funny how this family tie still crosses over the years of losing touch; and over the dissolution of legal ties, both his and mine.  We all weep today, this family because of this loss.  And I am struck by the irony of it.

And for the first time in months, I dialed my husbands cell to find out the specifics.  Horror over the thought of this man's suffering transcending the horror of our own recent issues.  My husband, soon to be ex, or ex already.. was disconnected yet oddly less so in years.  I asked about Dad, his Dad, who I heard had been ill., and of Mom, whom I've not spoken to in months.

I asked about this man's ex-wife, my husband exhusbands sister, and this is what he said.  "She is grieving, after all she loves him, loved him for all those years.  And now she has been there for him, and really, for the kids.

It was a message almost foretelling of the future, it seemed.  Our future, to appear long after the judges ink on the divorce decree has dried.  Long after, in all likelihood, our children have entered their adulthood.  And long after he will be married again.

The future where I am venturing on my own.  Not scary, but real.  And I am, oddly sad but feeling ready. I've no wish to be alone for the next thirty five some odd years, or even the next five.  But not desperate either.  Just ready to be ready.  Time to set my fears away.  Fly.

God bless you CW.