Re-define

Having read my last post of moments ago, I am struck by the sound of my thoughts: he said this, she did this... All true, yet now I must ask myself frankly, in the full face of brutal objectivity. How much of this should really define who I am or what my value is.  

I know that many of the voices swirling around us, even from those we love, have more to do with the need for others to make sense of their lives, their needs.  Yet, somehow, I seem all too willing to hold up those things as a way to define and, almost prove, my lack of self worth.  

Let me mull on this, and not let myself get away with that "failsafe habit" that really in the end fails to make me feel safe, but rather oppressed by my perceived unworthiness. 

While it is true I may do things that make others around me stressed because I cant deal with some of   the stress of life, I am no different from those around me. No better, but importantly, NO WORSE. The ubiquitous anxiety that we all encounter in our everyday lives, rising up and down with the tide of events and worries,  we all attempt to soothe in different ways.  Some of those ways were "offered" as aggression or unkindness to me, its true, but its nothing to do with me.  My courage must be to face how I seek to soothe my own ubiquitous anxiety.  Not through self hate, or stress towards others.  But through healthy avenues that allows me to become courageous enough to face my own fears.