is what I deserve. Created by that combination of events, and then perceived by me, if I let it. The possibility of living in darkness for years on end is not the way I wish to go, nor is fighting in battle with someone I never wish to see again.
It is a hardline, right now, that I must delineate between heart and practicality. I will put it to the wind, my fears and hopes, but in court I will say what it is I need with no tears or regrets. I must survive and much much more, because I deserve to. And so do my children. It is what it is, but the selfish endeavors of one who would rather "live largely" rather than "pay up" his responsible dues, will not happen without a fight.
I am smart, and though not vindictive, will not allow the old cliche of exwife (with kids) "down" while exhusband and OW living in the "big house" through unkind practices. Let them live as they live, its true, but let finances be fair amongst all else...as court ordered if necessary. I live in fear, but I dont know what else to do, beyond the endless emails and texts sent requesting money, or clarification, or acknowledgement that I know will never come (nor do I seek any longer, from him).
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