Day filled with joy yet still struggling.


Whats wrong with me? It was a fun day, a day I could not have had with the kids around.  But I cant breathe now, chest constricted.  I'm tired, I just want to crawl. To bed and hide.  No Xanax, I dont want that... But I want that empty sharp breath sucking pain to go away, go away. I dont want anyone to see me, I feel ashamed.  I should be over this by now, right? As he says, I would hope we are over the fighting by now. What, so we can be friends?  He has found someone new, "babe", who I hear he loves.  He threw it away, threw me away.  Doesnt care he hurt me beyond words, beyond devastation.  My heart doesnt want him anymore, but I cant feel okay. Pain!! help.. deep sucking pain I grieve