Bedtime muse

Its only fair that I write at night, the tail end of my day when I have the benefit of having lived a day of gentle and kind life.  Unlike my mornings, when I often awaken with self doubt and nagging anxiety about who I am, and where my day alone will lead me, I feel better now.

What I wrote the other day, my mantra of, "I do not suck, I do not suck" may seem silly to some (should I ever care to expose that self doubt to anyone).  But its at my core.  My doubt, my albatross. And I want to set it free.  I do not suck, because I am a good person.  I have failings, but not ones due to overindulgence so much as human nature.  And that is definitely okay.  I do not suck, even as someone I trusted and cared about for so many years, told me I did. That was unkindness on his part; I would never do that to another human being, let alone someone who was a family member (little did I know at the time, it was his way, I think, of detaching; the cowards way to be sure).

So I want my last thought before I try to fall asleep again, is: I do not suck. I am a good person.  Kindness to myself, as I would be kind to another.