Another milestone

one more night, then the kids come home.  (relief, love, sorrow)

One more day, where I have mastered the art of being single again.

One more night,feeling alone, but not necessarily lonely (compared to what I was before).  Still...

One more life moment, of finding out who I am...and its not all bad (and maybe not all good..but that's okay too).  Letting it go...

I don't know what love is (a la Forrest Gump).  I don't know what a "real" relationship is, or if the path to that dream life of commitment is in the cards for me.  I'd like to think it is but I won't really know. Can anyone?  I do know what I want though:  commitment of trust, caring, kindness, connection based on emotional, intellectual, as well as physical.  Sexual attraction is wonderful and necessary but after a while, you realize, you must be able to have something to say, to communicate as friends..or it falls short.  And to not fall into the habit of taking something special for granted. Ever.

I am pulling things together.  My life, my home, my job, my relationship with the kids...my friends for whom I now try to rally for, as they have rallied for me these past few years.  my kids and their needs, my responsibility to them to be sure they grow to responsible young adults. Stability.

Off the crazy rollercoaster that someone asked I ride. The crying, the drama.  Still waiting for the finality of it,  now I welcome it, with anticipation.  So many years since the beginning of the end.  No contact (pretty much) for almost two years).   Goodbye.

I am special.  I am kind.  I am good.  I am loved.

Its after midnight and i sit in front of the computer screen, in front of the tv...and its okay, albeit wishing I had the company of some cute guy with a great personality and decency (I will admit).

Let there be good karma flow through...