What is my inner voice telling me? What does my heart say and how do my fears bend that message? Just like an addict going through withdrawal, things flush in and out into lucidity.
I am tired of meanness and sarcasm; I find I am questioning myself when my attempts of being kind and polite are subsequently met with apparent callous misunderstandings and suspicions; or perhaps indifference. I wonder is it me? Am I so far naive to not understand the "game" of being coy or appropriately "available, or whatever thing it is that makes others able to connect with partners quickly and with ease?
That feeling of being "different" persists; its been there since I was a kid. But I am coming to a place where I understand that I need to reconcile myself with who I am. To disregard others ideas of me, they are not allowed a place in my head. I can not hide who I am, nor should I? NOT ALLOWED IN MY HEAD.
Its different, I don't know if I can do this. But I don't want to let others tell me how little I am worth, or provide input as to how "inappropriate" I am... Is this my way towards happiness? Towards peace? Towards finding authentic love?
Towards finding faith in myself?
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