Wedding Day

So I guess the thing is, as I type this, three vodka tonics under my belt today… I find I can not numb out the fact that he is no longer my ex- so much as her husband now. The anger, the frustrations of MY husband not working to be my partner, my equal lover, my heart…has now been made further invalidated (as though his prior actions were not invalidating enough). I am a has-been in his story book, and he in mine. 
I wonder, did he feel anything today? Did he think of me? Are our kids okay? 
My heart hurts, underneath this spinning room I am feeling. The picture from my sons instagram also belies a sadness. What will it all mean, I wonder.