Who am I! The question bears asking? I am old enough to recognize I have self worth, and do not wish to waste anymore time living a life of ennui. Better to be alone than with someone who strips you of your personal value, or takes pleasure in hurting your self, your dignity, your physical body.
Yet is there more? Can I demand more? I live for happiness, and the desire to see goodness. Joy.
My children come easily to mind. They are joy, even when they make me cry. They make me smile and let me know how much they love me, even as I hope I show them how much I love them. They are my pride. I feel a fierce protectiveness for them, and their safety. For their happiness and dignity.
But I am tired. And I want to start living a life where I no longer live to simply gain approval from others, but from myself as well. To be kind to myself, as I truly strive to be kind to others. To be free of the fears I have held for a long time, and to finally, and utterly sit down to live my life without fear. To let it go, the angst and expectations that to "not doing" means a degradation of my own value. To have fun! To take care of business and to do it well, on my own. To be strong without the fearof being strong.
No comments:
Post a Comment