I am the Invisible Woman

Passing by your doorway, you won't see me if you are lucky.  My presence makes you uncomfortable, my aura seems smeared.  But maybe that is what I see, my eyeglasses are now a bit gray.  I don't trust my judgment when it comes to me, although I think I am okay with you.

My world is starting to spin again, it's true, in speeds that resemble the norm.  Who would of thought that could happen, not I nor maybe even you.  On alternate weekends I awake alone, though my time is often fast-spent; buttressed againts opposing weekends filled with the childrens laughter,  my relief, and playgames once, once more.

I am that invisible woman now, but don't look upon me with pity.  My life has started spinning again, my heart has annealed to one, a spiritual core.  The quiet of my minds eye, has done much even work; the silence is greatly blissful. The growth I need is stalwart and progressing; my anticipation is springing forth.  I am figuring out what I need, and wonder if that might be you. But if it is (or is not); mine own self will still be true.

I am the invisible woman.

I awaken in the middle of the night, gripping paralyzing fear grasps me by the throat.  My heart in a tight vise.  I am alone, unloved, afraid.  When will this stop, never?  I am alone, and no one hears my tears, my screams, my heartbreak. My children are away, the night looms deeply, darkly. I am an invisible woman.  Help me, help me God. I want my mama, but she too is gone.  I am alone.  I am afraid. Hard, so hard.  I seek strength, but that has deserted me in this blackness.  I am disappearing, and the residual that remains is terrified.    I am nothing.

And I pray, in the deepest part of my soul for this pain to stop. For the pity to stop. For the feeling of
loss to be gone, once and for all. Who hears my heart and my soul, where is my love? Dear God send
 me some feedback, provide me some light please.  The break in my heart is deep, and though I no longer live in the shadows of that broken hearted woman who was left by my husband, oh God, in my secret heart I tell you, and you alone: i feel diminished and I do not want to be.  Please God, please help me